Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
