once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
