She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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