I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
