if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
