I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize