marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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