first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
