SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
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