The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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