This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
