That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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