i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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