Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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