He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
