Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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