she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
