I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
