you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
COCAINE IS GR8
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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