apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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