i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
