Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
