I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
