dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
God gave him joint rollers for hands
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize