P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
