it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
