it wasn't lemon gatorade
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
