Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
