Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You ruined the universe
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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