the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
