girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
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