suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
