she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I skipped work to stalk him.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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