Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
