Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
