He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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