so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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