wanna go halves on a baby?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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