I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
