So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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