It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
