i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
