If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
