the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
