im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
