Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
