wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
