yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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