and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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