i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
