I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wish you could order shots online.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
this hospital has no fireball
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Drunk is not a location!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
