sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I got inside last night via doggy door
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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