and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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