If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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