he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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