Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
