May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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