She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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