I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
