Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
