He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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