Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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