i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he fucked my hip out of place.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
