Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
