fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
