Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
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