Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
