Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
