I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
