Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
