Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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