Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize