I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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