WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
