if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
